That Guy on Facebook

To That Guy on Facebook:

You don't know any of my friends. So why do you insist upon putting your two cents in on my comment threads with my friends? Usually it just consists of "yeah man" or "totally, dude." If you actually had something worthwhile to say, such as a tidbit of information we would not have known otherwise, maybe it would be cool. I take that back. It will never be cool. There are people I am trying to impress here, and you're not helping. Because Facebook is definitely the way I should be attempting to gain acceptance from others.

To the D-bag Dominating the Juke-Box with Crap Music

Dear stupid guy at the bar on the juke box:

First off, I would like to say, that unless you are one Arthur Fonzarelli, and you can make tunes escape from the juke box with a slam of your fist, you have no excuse to stand by it all night, picking out your favorite tunes. Moreover, your favorite tunes suck. Do I really want to listen to Taking Back Sunday all night? No. So if that’s what you wanna hear, you should go ahead and kill yourself now. Because that’s probably what they play in hell.